we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
