I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize