dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
