My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
