you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
