Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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