That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
