I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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