apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
