Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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