it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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