u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
