So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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