Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
