I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
