if only i could text you this smell
We need to rekindle our bromance
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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