this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
