I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There are leaves in my underwear?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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