bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
