..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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