There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
