Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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