I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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