He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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