This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
