oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
