i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
