apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize