I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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