I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
