so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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