i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
