he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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