it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize