God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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