Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
