I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
