dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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