I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
