Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
