You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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