Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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