The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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