Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
