One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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