i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
