After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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