I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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