i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
