you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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