I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
