Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
