awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
