am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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