uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
