tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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