you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
