Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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