were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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