Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.

Fav 5 1400 886
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(303): View more from Colorado

I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality

Fav 6 1059 1132
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(503): View more from Oregon

I chose taco bell over sex...

(503): View more from Oregon

good choice.

Fav 16 2543 1288
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..

Fav 7 1195 4053
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

Fav 5 3124 1579
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(540): View more from Virginia

i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

Fav 18 2892 1774
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"

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