My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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