Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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