YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
