If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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