There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
