I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
