Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize