It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you made out with another girl for some wings
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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